Also what is happening is today’s men aren’t saying “no” either. Men have become increasingly passive aggressive. Men ghost. This didn’t used to happen.
Last night, my date told me he would get me a drink and be right back. Then he left the bar and blocked my number. Why not just tell me directly that he wasn’t interested? When did men become such cowards? And when did such cowardice become acceptable?
The answer I think is in the normalization and apologism surrounding the cowardice of women. No amount of socialization makes it okay to be a shitty person. Blaming socialization for female lack of directness and inability to communicate properly is no different than men blaming socialization for perpetration of sexual assault. We need to stop making excuses and hold ourselves to a higher standard of behavior.
Research has shown women more often engage in ghosting behavior than men. The increase in ghosting behavior has been led by women. We have normalized being shitty. And we use “fear” as an excuse. It should be irrelevant that allegedly 0.0000000001% of men get violent when rejected by a stranger. We blame men for what “might” happen if we are honest. It’s bizarre that women think avoiding a direct, respectful confrontation is going to get better results. If someone is going to get pissed off about getting rejected, wouldn’t an indirect strategy just make it worse?
Is it possible that the reason I have never experienced any unpleasant behavior from men who have approached me possibly due to the fact that I’m direct and assertive? In my experience, which I have a great deal of considering I am perpetually single, at least 4 hours of interaction need to happen before there is any risk of someone getting pissed at me for rejecting them.
Why is it that I have never felt harassed (except in bad neighborhoods)? Why is it that I have never been given reason to feel afraid to be direct with men? Why is it that I almost never get hit on, even when I’m trying to send out cues of approachability? Am I just not attractive enough? My history of dating extremely high quality men who told me I was beautiful indicates otherwise. Sometimes I start to think it’s because I’m getting older and less attractive, but even when I was younger I would have to initiate by at least staring/smiling. This all just does not add up.