I am a feminist and I endorse the following rules.

Rule #1:

“No” means “no.”

This is the main rule you need to remember. This one is still hard for a great many men to grasp, believe it or not. Men learning just this one rule would make a big difference. “No” means “no,” even if she looks sexy, even if she’s naked! It even means “no” if you are already having sex and she wants to stop. Okay?

As for the women who complain they can’t say no because they feel uncomfortable, call them out for their bullshit. Make it clear that men want to give women what they want but need women to be more straightforward and assertive. Right? Okay, solved.

Rule #2:

Do not touch women you are not sexually involved with in a sexual way. This means not groping the butt or boobs of a stranger.

This also means not touching female friends in this way. If you feel there is a gray area, pay attention to how she responds. If she swats your hand away, that means “stop.” Okay?

Rule #3:

If you aren’t sure whether something is or isn’t okay, there is probably a reason. So you should ask first. It never hurts to ask. If there are women out there who don’t like to be asked, send them to therapy. Next.

Rule #4:

Do not catcall women, especially in a disrespectful way.

Honestly, I personally do not mind someone shouting, “You’re beautiful!” at me. The frustrating thing about this is neither of us gets laid. It is much more effective to approach the woman of interest respectfully and say, “Hey you’re really cute, would you like to go on a date sometime?” If a woman objects to that, don’t feel bad — she’s the one with the problem.

If you feel the need to tell a woman she is beautiful, it is a better idea to walk up to her, “I just want to let you know you look beautiful today,” than to shout at her from a distance. If you are separated by too much distance you cannot close, it would be more appropriate to shout, “Hey want to hang out with us?” than to shout, “Hey nice ass!” or even “Hey I love you!” The first option gives her the opportunity to come to you if she wants and is more likely to get a good result. If a woman gets offended by a mere invitation, that’s her problem.

Rule #5

Just be respectful and treat women as fellow human beings. Respect that they know what they want. If they set boundaries, respect those boundaries.

I know you may already be having trouble with this one as it’s not as well defined as it could be ideally. But I’ve included it as one fundamental rule to keep in mind. One thing you can do is imagine how you would respond if a gay man was treating you the way you are treating her. You would want him to express interest in a respectful way and to respect any boundaries you set. Right?

Rule #6:

Make her cum first. Ask her what she likes in bed. Make an effort to do what she likes.

This one is not that serious and is by no means obligatory, but it may be useful. This one assumes you get to the point where you are in bed with a woman, of course. By paying attention and asking for what she wants, you know she is enjoying herself. You’ll never have to question whether the woman telling you what to do to her in bed actually wants it. If she knows her pleasure is a priority, I think it’s very unlikely she would feel taken advantage of, pressured, or used in any way.

These rules will keep you safe. If you follow these rules and still have problems, don’t blame feminists. Blame whoever is psycho enough (feminist or otherwise) to think these rules are not sufficient.

If you object to these rules because you think they are unfair or too hard to follow, I’m thinking you have a problem.

One thing useful to realize is that complaining takes a lot of energy and isn’t very much fun. Activism especially takes a lot of energy. It requires strategy, politics, and leadership skills. This is all a pain in the ass us feminists would much rather avoid. I think if men followed all the rules outlined above, no one would be wasting time complaining anymore. You know?

Also, no one is trying to harm men. Get that out of your head.