I don’t agree with the emphasis on guys being alpha. Women want good genes — we want someone tall, attractive, and intelligent. Having a dominant personality isn’t really that desired imo. I know it isn’t for me.

I know that gendered expectations of masculinity really prevented me from appreciating my college boyfriend as much as he deserved. Perhaps he was “alpha” in that he was 6’4”, very handsome, athletic (very good at sports), and intelligent. But he was laid back, passive, and unadventurous (unless I pushed him, and then he’d be glad I did). Unless one of his friends initiated something, I generally had to make all the plans and decisions if we were going to do anything other than hang out in front of a TV. But the thing is, he never held me back. He was always supportive and willing to go along with what I wanted. I feel like I didn’t appreciate him enough because of sexist ideas about how a man is supposed to act. I wanted him to take initiative, I wanted him to impress me. This was all a bunch of bullshit. You know what happens when I date men who have dominant personalities? They aren’t as nice. Fuck “alphas.

Then again, his fellow fraternity brothers all looked up to him. He was not a leader. He was just considered a really great guy. He had the more agreeable personality between the two of us. You know, he wasn’t the type to ever send a poorly cooked dish back at a restaurant. I’d have to do that for him.

Anyway, I’ve learned his type of personality is actually perfect for me and what I want. He was still super manly to me despite not being “alpha.”

Then again, maybe the guys who aren’t talking about what great leaders they are and aren’t trying to control everything and boss people around are the real alphas. This one tech CEO I dated had a very similar personality to my ex. Our dynamic was similar. Yet he is in a high status position in society.