I like having crushes and I don’t care who it’s about. If they don’t like me back, that’s okay. It just means there is one more person in the world who is my type. And the more there are, the more probable it is that I’ll find a new one who likes me back. It’s nice knowing they exist, that my ex wasn’t the only one, and that I haven’t lost my ability to feel butterflies.

A guy I have a crush on is like a pretty new dress, a beautiful sunset, a spectacular view from a mountain top. All those things make the world that much better. Being around a crush makes me feel good whether he likes me back or not. When I was younger (13–19), I remember not being liked back by a crush was distressing. I couldn’t stand not getting what I wanted. But then I started thinking about crushes differently. It is obviously unreasonable to expect everyone I like to like me back. But it’s still nice to encounter people I like.

Also, if it were really about me, and not somewhat about them, my serious crushes would not be so infrequent. I’m always single, and I go out with tons of guys, but I only meet a crush once or twice a year. Some years, I won’t meet any. I like meeting them whether I am ready for a relationship or not. Last time, I said I couldn’t get involved. There is nothing risky about crushes. Relationships are a different story because they require trust and vulnerability.