I thankfully never grew up with this fear. My high school boyfriends would tell me my mom was hot. My grandmother was considered beautiful well into her late 70s, had multiple boyfriends, and was proposed to twice after my grandfather died. Once a male friend in his 20s joked he was in love with her. She was tall and thin, regal in stature and mannerisms, had beautiful white hair, and somehow dewy skin.

As I near 32, and my forehead wrinkles seem chronic, I wish I could ask what skincare she used. I use none. It’s so hard for me to take the time or rationalize the expense. I don’t like how these products are primarily aimed at women. And I hate how with all these different products and inefficient dispensing design, these skincare companies have no respect for our time.

However, I’ve noticed my insecurities primarily come from comments aging men have made to me. They have told me my market value is waning, that I’ll hit a wall at 35, that I should be ashamed of myself for dating younger men, that younger men will leave me for someone younger and hotter. Ironically, younger men only tell me I’m gorgeous.

I’ve been told by a friend that, at 31, guys might assume there is something wrong with me. The truth is I took myself off the dating market for most of my 20’s. I haven’t ever dated seriously or thought about marriage. The scariest thing about my face looking older is I’m just not ready to be grown up. I’m not ready to be 31.

I use howold.net to convince myself I still look 23.