Well I am a modern feminist as I am a feminist in the 21st century. But I can see where you are coming from on some level, especially when I read articles excusing shitty behavior perpetrated by women. I think the “we are afraid” excuse is not a good one. But micro-aggressions are a problem. I am acutely forgetting examples because I’m extremely tired, but it was actually a male friend who introduced me to this concept when I was trying to explain a problem.

I see some validity in the “mansplaining” concept. This has been validated by research showing that men more often assume women are less capable or less informed. The result is that they will explain something they know much less about to a female expert. A way to counteract this is by directly establishing credibility. This is not easy though. The purpose of the narrative around mansplaining is to say, “Hey guys, be aware of the assumptions you’re making and give women a chance to speak.” It has largely been effective I think at addressing this problem. This isn’t to say that there aren’t women guilty of the same pattern of behavior. But there has been a gendered pattern to it — hence “mansplaining.” At the same time, I think this term has been misused at tines to discredit what men may have to say.

Manspreading has seemed a bit out there. It has been shown that open postures and taking up space communicates social dominance. This isn’t a bad social strategy. In public spaces, it may be inconsiderate. But why not just ask men to make more room? It also seems odd to draw attention to men taking up space on public transportation when many men will still give up a spot for a woman, though maybe this doesn’t really happen anymore.

“Toxic masculinity” is also a thing. It is basically the male counterpart to the toxic femininity I see in these articles that call for ridiculous consent standards due to an alleged inability of women to say no. Right? Women say they are socialized to be afraid to hurt other people’s feelings and this leads to a pathological lack of assertiveness. Similarly, men are socialized to not express their feelings in a healthy way, to conform to standards of masculine behavior that lead to violence, etc. That’s what’s toxic. It isn’t men who are toxic unless you subscribe to the notion that all male behavior is attributed to biology alone. The concept of toxic masculinity arises from the notion that many toxic male behaviors are learned rather than a product of biology. Obviously, it’s usually a bit of both. But the point is to say, “hey these ideas about what it is to be masculine are leading to shitty behavior.”