Why would you leave immediately? Of course I have FOMO. I’m committing to one person. How could I not?
There are always more maybes around the corner. With any decision made where options are fluctuating and new options are always available, there’s going to be FOMO when you decide to commit to one. I had the same problem shopping for apartments.
I think my SO is smart enough to understand this. It’s the optimal stopping problem discussed here.
But the stakes are not as high because we are both just feeling it out. I decided it might be good to just focus on one person and see how it goes. In terms of efficiency and quality of life benefits, it makes sense.
Also, perfection tends to be the enemy of good enough. And for him, he simply requires exclusivity in the process of developing a sexual relationship and getting to know him. This is acceptable to me because I want to get to know him better and see how it goes.
There are a lot of advantages to focusing on just one person at a time. For example, when I date more than one, I compare them with each other, and this can be a source of dissatisfaction and conflict. No one is perfect. But often one will respond to a given event in a preferable way and I’ll be on the others ass. And it’s often over nitpicky shit. So then I’m never really giving anyone a chance.
For example, I got mad at one of the last guys I was dating for giving bad advice. He told me to “take the cheaper apartment” (where is have to be allergic at first and take care of installing floors, which has been horrible). I felt like he wasn’t really listening or wasn’t valuing my quality of life enough. I felt like the other guys listened better with “I have concerns about you optimizing for the last 5% cost savings” and “you don’t want to deal with installing floors, trust me. This will be more bs holding up your life.” So I got mad at the first, though I liked him best. Had it only been him, I don’t think I would have gotten as upset bc I wouldn’t have been comparing and questioning if it meant he didn’t really care. I also wouldn’t have brought other guys into the discussion, which is problematic.
With the current one, we’ve had a couple disagreements and we handled them amazingly well. I think this could be partly because we are only focused on each other.
So yes I am making some sacrifices, which is the source of the FOMO. But I think I am making them for a net benefit.